When I was a little girl there were a couple of things I looked forward to upon entering my house after a long day at school. First things first…selecting my after school snack (obvi)…followed by me grabbing a copy of our local Long Island newspaper “Newsday” to look at the funnies. One afternoon, as I quickly flipped past all the news articles on route to the funnies, a startling headline from the obituaries grabbed my attention. It read: Lisa Feinstein, 8, dies of leukemia. Her sweet picture included within the body of the notice. This article stopped me dead in my tracks. I didn’t know Lisa but we were the exact same age and I knew she was way too young to die. It’s been 49 years since I spotted that announcement and that sad vivid memory has stayed with me all these years later.

As a young girl I witnessed a lot of death and illness. It made me nervous. I grew up afraid to go to the doctor for fear of what they could find. I thought about poor Lisa Feinstein. I don’t know if I was wired that way or if it was from seeing too much too young. After my Mom died, when I was 11, I only went to the doctor if I was sick and in need of an antibiotic. Never for a checkup. I was happy to limit my stress and going to the doctor stressed me out. It was kind of a joke between my friends and family. Everyone always wanted to know what my blood pressure reading was at the doctor’s office. (I’ll give you a one word hint: elevated.)

In real life, my blood pressure is normal and I’m pretty much a laid back, light hearted, silly at times gal. I hide my white coat syndrome stress well at the doctor’s office. It’s not until they pump that cuff up do they discover the drama that lurks beneath…

When I became pregnant for the first time and had to see my OB/GYN regularly I started getting desensitized to doctor visits. Doctors appointments became exciting and turned into positive experiences. I’d chuckle to myself when the medical assistant would comment on how low my blood pressure was. Little did she know that unpregnant Linda was not such a cool cucumber without a little baby on board to be excited about.

I have thankfully remained healthy but at times like everyone else have had some medical issues to deal with. Ever since I became a parent I have committed to making sure I am proactive with my health. I never miss an annual physical or age appropriate screening and I am a compliant patient. I eat right. I exercise. I do my best to keep my mental and physical health in check. In other words, I do what I can to take care of my mind and body and leave the rest up to God.

Several year ago I learned that I had a congenital heart defect. My primary care doctor suspected I had one problem which it turns out I didn’t but the screening for the suspected problem lead them to discover I actually had a bigger problem. Initially, I panicked upon hearing the news. Then I googled and I panicked some more. The worst thing you can do when you have this abnormality is get stressed as elevated blood pressure can worsen the problem. What a vicious cycle. I realized I could not go on living with such an unhealthy mindset. I needed to adjust it once and for all. I needed to regain my power back. How does one do that?

By facing your biggest fear. In my case, that meant never avoiding the inevitable. I have to be routinely monitored by my cardiologist through cardiac echoes, EKG’s, an occasional MRI and cat scan. Not negotiable. I still get slightly anxious about it but I never let that stop me from making my appointments. It’s funny how we ladies would never dream of putting off a hair appointment but when it comes to our health, we procrastinate. Whenever I feel the old Linda resurfacing and not wanting to deal with feeling uncomfortable, I remind her (me!) of two things… first, there is power in knowing. I know I have this condition. I am lucky that I can stay ahead of any problem and be able to get it fixed when it’s time. How miraculous is it that we live in an age where we have all the tools to screen, diagnose and fix many serious problems. Most people that have what I have don’t even know they have it. They don’t find out until it’s very advanced and for some when it’s too late.

February is American Heart Month. The best way I could “celebrate” is by seeing my cardiologist. I had my annual echo in January and my follow up appointment with my cardiologist on February 22nd. I received my echo results prior to seeing my heart doc. They were not very good. For the last four weeks I have been very distracted with worry. I had COVID for the first time in early January. I wondered if the COVID progressed my problem. I had no cardiac symptoms indicating any trouble and I knew worrying would surely not help my situation.

Finally my appointment day… I anxiously entered the hospital yesterday and walked past all the various specialty heart centers. I wondered if I would now be one of their patients after today’s visit. I prayed to my Mom that morning. I asked her to send me a sign that I’d be ok. She never did. It was so unlike her. I sat for what felt like eternity in the exam room waiting for my doctor to enter. I kind of liked the peace of still not knowing. She finally entered and immediately started reviewing my latest echo with me and seemed appropriately concerned. She started explaining next steps. I then blurted out “Could this be from COVID? I had that echo right after I was sick and blah, blah…” She explained that COVID can affect the heart but not cause what I had. What I had was just the progression of the disease. My inner knowing was telling me that something was not right or who knows maybe I was just desperate. She could see that I genuinely felt like I was truly fine and there had to be a mistake. She offered to review the film. She had only received the written report. She compassionately offered “Why don’t you have them send me the film. I’d like to see it.” She started digging deeper into the report and felt like there might be some discrepancies. All of a sudden she said “I’m going to take you down to our ultrasound area, no charge, and let’s put you on the table and give it a look.” And down the hall we went…

I excitedly lied (jumped!) down on the table, the tech put the device right on my chest zeroing in on my aortic valve and within what felt like seconds both their faces lit up with relief. My doc immediately said “Your valve is still doing great. You are fine.” How could this be?! I didn’t care. All I knew was I had a new lease on life. Was it divine intervention? Was it a sloppy evaluation by the other cardiologist? I’ll never know but here’s what I do know…

Yesterday was 2-22. My Mom’s favorite number! (For those of you who are familiar with my blog, my Mom seems to reassure and connect with me through roses and the number sequence 222.) So maybe she didn’t send me a sign because she would never let anything happen to me on her “special” day! I just needed to trust that all would be well no matter what.

So take this little essay as YOUR sign to not avoid doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. True power comes from within. We are all capable of addressing hard things. Avoiding does not move us through our challenges it just keeps us stuck.

I was obviously elated and relieved to learn all is well with my ticker. In anticipating my appointment I was trying to draw strength by reflecting on all my friends and family members that have dealt with far more serious health challenges. Not just dealing but dealing with such courage, grace and strength. I thought of my friend Sandy. She fought cancer for 13 years. It may have taken her life in the end BUT somehow it never got in the way of her living her life fully. She had 5 kids that she adored and didn’t want to miss a beat with any of them. And she didn’t. She truly lived until she died. She was living on borrowed time and she knew that more than anyone else. Aren’t we all living on borrowed time? As they say…no one’s getting out of here alive…so live, love and laugh! Life is way too short to waste.